


Like a beat without Melody

by pushpeeta



Series: Welcome Home [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, BAMF Tony Stark, Civil War Team Ironman, F/M, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Peter Parker, Hurt Tony, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, Irondad Big Bang 2019, Irondad Bingo 2019, Irondad Week 2019, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark Friendship, James "Rhodey" Rhodes is a Good Bro, Mystery, NOT CAPTAIN MARVEL FRIENDLY, NOT CAROL DANVERS FRIENDLY, Not Captain America Friendly, Not Scarlet Witch Friendly, Not Steve Rogers Friendly, POV Peter Parker, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Precious Peter Parker, Protective Peter Parker, Protective Tony Stark, Tony Angst, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony Stark-centric, Wanda Maximoff is Not a Kid, not team Cap friendly, not wanda maximoff friendly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-20
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2020-03-08 10:29:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18892810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pushpeeta/pseuds/pushpeeta
Summary: The first time Morgan found Peter aimlessly wondering around their Malibu house after month's of having no clue where he was-dead or alive-she felt, rightfully,knocked out of her mind."Morgan?" Peter looked at her as if she's a ghost that shouldn't be here,and not the other way around,his gaze far beyond this world."The house...it,it was burnt out,"His eyes moving over to the house in question which was clearly intact.He moved towards the inner part of the house expecting to see charred edges forming around broken furniture,the smell of blood still fresh in his mind.Peter's eyes settled on the edge of the cliff,,into the endless depth of the ocean,"and,Tony, he...he was right there,I... I couldn't save him,Morgan,I couldn't save him"Peter was at the verge of maniac,she had to grasp him to make sure he didn't fall over, "Peter,he is..."Dead,has been for years."No,no,Morgan,you gotta believe me,you...Oh, I see how it is." his voice hoarse like he has been screaming for hours,"If it was just a dream then what's this?"Morgan stared at the screen like she's learning to read for the first time.Malibu.ASAP.SOS!- T.S.





	1. The bleeding moon

**Author's Note:**

> بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ 
> 
> Tony Stark has been my Therapy for so long.
> 
> I had feelings,too many feelings.  
> Thought I would share and see if I can make people feel something too, that's the goal.
> 
> [Mind the tags]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He remembered that time Morgan asked him what his favourite colour is and Tony said,"Pink"
> 
> "Pink,really?Like that hot pink dress of mommy?"
> 
> "No, like your blush"
> 
> After that Morgan never looked at pink the same way.
> 
> "Daddy?"
> 
> "Yes,dear?"
> 
> "Please don't ... go?"
> 
> "Sure," a fake smile. A pair of teary eyes.
> 
> When we express our thought in words, the medium is not found easily. There must be a process of translation, which is often inexact, and then we fall into error.
> 
> But brown eyes need no translating; the mind itself throws a shadow upon them. In them thought opens or shuts, shines forth or goes out in darkness, hangs steadfast like the setting moon or like the swift and restless lightning illumines all quarters of the sky.
> 
> In that moment, Morgan knew he's leaving. But his eyes screamed that he didn't want to,she could feel it in her bones.
> 
> They why?For a genius,she was an idiot.
> 
> ***
> 
> The whole world mourns Iron man.  
> But nobody misses him like her.
> 
> The lengths she would go...to see him one more time, to say that she loves him a lot more than three thousand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember me  
> Though I have to say goodbye  
> Remember me  
> Don't let it make you cry  
> For ever if I'm far away  
> I hold you in my heart  
> I sing a secret song to you  
> Each night we are apart  
> Remember me  
> Though I have to travel far  
> Remember me
> 
>  
> 
> © Remember me - Coco lyrics
> 
> "This!is!so!cheesy!" - I know.

 

Tony thought the world looked a little different at night.

Calm,almost inviting... like he could just drawn all his sorrow there,calm down his brain for once.

He doesn't like staying at home when the moon is bleeding red.

Morgan loved the night too. Liked to peer through the window of her treehouse at the endless sky,at the reflection of the stars in the lake. The smell of lily heavy in the air.

She had the whole night ritual thing memorized since.... forever? From the beginning to the end.

First they will share their secrets of the day.

And one common aspect is those secrets  can never be told to mom. Like that time daddy took her to their "secret treehouse" in the middle of the night cause it was full moon.

They successfully came back without getting caught by mom.

But then...she really, really wanted to have some juice pops before going to bed and that's how mommy caught them in red,no, juice- stained hands.

Today's secret was a big,big one though.  
But daddy didn't reveal it till the very end.

After tucking her in to bed dad simply started singing "their song"

Morgan loved his singing voice.So,she didn't interrupted him.

> "You're my Honeybunch, Sugarplum"

  
She didn't know if it was just her or if his voice really seemed catchier than other days.

> "I love you so and I want you to know"

Or judging by how small his voice is  
may be they should have icy juice pops in the middle of the night less often.

> "That I'll always be right here"

Okay, change of plan. May be not in the midnight. Never in the midnight.Because he sounds like he's about to cry...And Morgan hates to see him cry.

And no body knows,not even daddy,that she has seen him cry more times than they both would like to admit.

He cries in his sleep. About someone hitting him in his chest.Hard. Sometimes he will clunth his chest painfully. Other days his stomach. Sometimes he dreams he is falling, like there's not enough air.

She knows he'll never admit. And she doesn't make him.She gently lays down with him.Hugs him as tight as she can.

He always reaches towards her by blind instincts.He knew her touch,the sound of her footfall. He even knew her breathing patterns.

Though she had no words, she murmured lovingly and he understood her gentle murmuring better than all speech.She would throw her arms round his neck; she would rub her cheek against her father's.

And it would always calm him down.

She thought may be she needs to do the same thing this time.

She hopes it will work.

> "And I love to sing sweet songs to you"

She threw herself in his arms and finished the last line together.

> "Because you are so,so dear"

He hugged her tight and didn't show any indication of letting go anytime soon.She was more than happy to oblige.

She doesn't know how long they stayed like that.Then daddy cupped her cheeks and kissed her forehead.

Which was another part of their night ritual. She almost forgot. Well, almost.

Then he surprised her and kissed her forehead. Again.

Okay,that was definitely special. But not abnormal. He tends to do that.

On those days, when she stays specially a good little girl.Every year on her birthdays.Everytime she achieves something new.

Or,when he has one of those bad days.

And sometimes just because...she thinks this kiss falls into none other than the "just because" category.

But then something astonishing happened.

He kissed.Again.

Whoa. That's crazy.

Her eyes go big like the saucer and she shoots those big brown eyes to another identical pair.

As soon as their eyes met it was as though she could guess his anguish of spirit from his quiet look of sadness. Coming closer to him, she rubbed her cheeks softly against his arms, and in dumb, puzzled fashion tried to comfort him.

Finally couldn't being able to hold it anymore she cupped his face in the same way he does whenever she wakes up from a nightmare,then looked straight into his eyes and said,"what's the big secret daddy? what's wrong?"

He looked shocked at the surreal amount of maturity in her voice and for the first time in his life,tony stark was...speechless.

"Uhh, what are you talking about, little miss?You are with me,see?what can be wrong?"

But if anything,it just bluntly declared to her that something was indeed very wrong.

"Daddy,what is it? I promise I won't tell mom."

He looked at her as a stricken doe looks in the hunter's face, whispering in silent agony,"umm,bussiness trip... there's this business trip daddy needs to attend..."

"But I thought that boring stuff was for mommy..."

"Well,you know what, Morgan? For someone so little you really captured the meaning of life..."

"Just send mommy to do it, she is bored anyway...yesterday I found her glaring at a cat,she claimed she was practicing 'the eyebrows' "

"God,I feel bad for those employees..."

"How did you do it,dad?"

"Huh, don't ask me.Nightmare,pure nightmare...Sit stotic all day.Look professional. All mannerism.No you can't touch that. That is mehegony. Make any shenanigans,and poof...you are dead....how about you just let me live and i don't know may be climb a tree or build a tree house and all that..."

Morgan chuckled and Tony willed himself to capture that sound deep,deep inside his memory.

"Give yourself some credit,dad.I wish to be as genius as you"

"Twelve percent?"

"Geez,no,aim higher"

"Okay,on a scale of 1 to 3000 because three thousand is the new infinity now how much credit should I give myself?"

"How about three thousand square?"

"For so long, I thought that's going to be my life.And now I think, ‘Oh, my God, me and the missus will be here until the grandkids attend our funerals. We’ll always be here. We’ll never move from here. Crazy."

And that's when the reality of what Tony just said sinks into him.

It's true. He doesn't wanna move.He doesn't wanna...live. After all of these...he...he... just...

He doesn't want to think about tomorrow.  
For a moment, just for a moment,he let his emotions run wild because...

just because it feels so good.

Too good to be real.

He wants to live in this moment.

For and ever.

He just blurted out his wildest dreams even though it was about to get ruined.

Just like everything else in his life.

All his life he has been thriving for a place,a place where he can go,a place where he belongs,a place where he is...loved.

And now that he finally has it...no,he can't think like that.Not now.

He takes one look at his daughter,  
who was trying to suppress a smile as soon as it emerges but the hopes were sipping through her eyes.

And he...he wanted to feel it.

One more time.

"So you are not going then?we,ahh, --we can finish the Lego set tomorrow. And pizza, movie nights...And mom,she can practice her  glare on them,those are for moms,my dad is--"

"A mechanic?or better yet the dishwasher-man? But I have to tell you,for the record, these dishwashing stuffs are really underrated, Morgan,where are you--"

Tony watched as she went to the closet sprinting leaving him to anticipate what crazy idea came to her head this time, God,she really was a lively thing,handful sometimes,and,boy,did he love her?

"Ironman," Morgan,or should he say ironman,emerged from the closet,with the mask and repulsor gloves ,"my dad is ironman,earth's best defender, the strongest avenger...", she said moving her hands anematically.

She pointed one of her gloves at him and giggled ,"Boom!"

Tony pretended to drop dead.

She tiptoed near him, touched his face,her hands were bare now,the repulsor gloves were abandoned on the floor.

"Dad?" less than a whisper,so small.

Tony decided to play a little hard. Didn't move, didn't budge.

And everything went quite for a while,Tony wondered what she was up to this time.

Next thing he knew it was raining down on him.Little raindrops fell down on his face.But was it raindrop though?

Cause last he checked it was summer and even if it rained he was inside his house.

Little did he know there was a little cloud hanging in his house. Yes, his sunshine has turned into a cloud. All because he was an idiot.

"Hey,shh,hey,hey,hey, I thought we were playing?"

A nod. Too engrossed in crying to manage a reply.

"I'm so sorry. Did I scare you?"

Affirmative."itw'sl'k---"

"Okay,breathe,take a breath,kiddo..."

"It was like---"

He didn't push her to say anything.

"One of m-mm...you,ahh,"she stuttered over her words, growing frustrated, finally growled," my nightmares, it's like new York,w'rmhole,y..'ou,...,'nd ,and that man telling to shu...tttt, shut it,the portal" a hiccup, "and then...youuuu,you fell,eyes closed...I..."

Tony didn't want to hear anymore.He too had nightmares about it,still raw as ever,still real,but Morgan?she shouldn't...why would she have nightmares? she's just a little girl,his little girl,she should dream about nice things... unicorns and rainbows and all that...And,and may be about candies too...not that he ever knew what childhood dreams feel like,never experienced them firsthand,cause his childhood was...yeah,less than ideal,but why would anything like that touch her ever?

"Okay,fetch up,who was it?Who told you?"

"Miss Amenda...our history teacher"

He didn't need to hear anymore. Of course,it was part of history. Of course, Morgan is shown live footages, it's was a pretty big deal,alien invasion and all...

He was going to ask why she never told him anything about it but she spoke first.

"Daddy?"

"Yes,dear?"

"Please don't ... go?"

And he knew she was not just talking about the ,uhh, which he decided to call "Bussiness trip" ; but it was beyond that...

"Sure," a fake smile. A pair of teary eyes.

When we express our thought in words, the medium is not found easily. There must be a process of translation, which is often inexact, and then we fall into error.

But brown eyes need no translating; the mind itself throws a shadow upon them. In them thought opens or shuts, shines forth or goes out in darkness, hangs steadfast like the setting moon or like the swift and restless lightning illumines all quarters of the sky.

And in that moment, Morgan knew he's leaving. But his eyes screamed that he didn't want to,she could feel it in her bones.They why?For a genius,she was an idiot.

"Ahh, Morgan... actually,I ...truth is..."

"Is that why the bland looking grandpa came?to take you away with them?The one who looks like a bird just flew away with his sandwich?"

"Yeah,yeah,if you ever feel dumb,not that you ever will,you are the brightest girl,most genius girl I know..."

"Daddy's girl..."

"Ah,yes, let me finish it...in case you ever feel blue just remember that crap-tain american-a once tried to choke a robot"

That made Morgan go pikachu and Tony misinterpreted that as wonder.

Morgan came closer to him. If that was even possible. She came near his ear,her voice barely a whispered,"Is that cap...is he," a pause, "the one?....Is he the one? who hurt you?with that sheild?"

And for the second time in that night, Anthony Edward Stark's throat was full of cotton.

After several attempts he gave up trying to talk and just focused on breathing. Yeah, breathe, that's important, that's priority,but...

"Morgu-u-u-na, H- o-w?" It seemed like he was learning those three words for the first time in his life,"You might want to stop doing that. I am just a man with heart condition and all. And I didn't know until now that I was raising a little Sherlock Holmes all along"

Morgan looks instantly taken aback, like she wanna take back her words..."Did I make you sad,,, I am sorry... I'm..."

"No, look, no...you didn't...if anything you, Morgan? look at me,yeah, look at me,"

He pointed his fingers at her and said those next words one by one, "YOU.DID.NOT.MAKE.ME.SAD....ok?OKAY?  
But daddy needs to know, Morgan? How did you know?"

Does he wanna know?Does he? Nobody knows what happened in that Siberia bunker, except him, no history teacher,no one,zip,zero,nada,and he would like it to stay that way ,,,then?who?

Morgan looks smaller than ever but her voice never sounded more mature.

"You...,you whisper in your sleep, about someone hurting you,with a...with a sheild? And I...I figured,umm" and then as if to lighten the mood she said, "genius, remember?"

She said it as a little joke but she was,oh,God,she was a genius.

Daddy's girl indeed.

And Tony...he didn't know what to say... He just focused on breathing cause panic attack in front of his girl wasn't an option right now. Just, just roll...roll with it. Your girl is Sherlock Holmes and knows your secrets,and can basically read your eyes.

No problem,nope. Peachy keen.

She suddenly sit up from his lap ,took his hands in her smaller ones .

"I have never seen anyone of them my entire life,they never checked on you...never even called you,never attended any of my birthdays or your marriage ceremony,they are nowhere in the photo album..." she said counting by her fingers.

He knows where this is going and doesn't dare to meet her eyes.

"You never even told me about them like you told me about my spider brother. They hurt you,I know they did, whether you tell me or not..."

His silence was answer enough.

"He...was also the one who commanded to close that portal, that I know for sure,it was in that footage,Why are you going with them?"

Gradually his eyes became glassy from staring at the floor.As if he could not avert his eyes from the astonishing beauty of the carpet.

She guess may be that's what heroes do.  
Reach out for people even though their hand is stained in his own blood.

She looks straight into his eyes, because it was important,"What if they hurt you again,daddy?"

He finally spoke breaking the circle of what seemed like never ending silence.

"I won't let them.I have a little miss that I need to grow up"

He hoped his voice won't sound as hollow to her as it did to him.This whole time travel thing...the chance of surviving...has made him scratch his head in uncertainty.

"You need to come back soon daddy,as soon as possible... how about you go really early in the morning and come back before lunch?"

"It might take a little, just a little longer than that"

"Dinner then?How about dinner?Tomorrow is movie night remember?We were going to have a lot of pizza."

"How about you get an extra slice of pizza?"

"So you are not coming tomorrow?"

Silence.

"Pizza is good. Not as good as you."

When he didn't reply,she said in a sing-song voice.

> "We love our bread.  
>  We love our butter.  
>  But most of all  
>  We love each other"

"Did you just quote 'Madeline'?"

"May be?"

"May be,huh?"He kissed her forehead again.

"Daddy,is that why you gave me four extra kisses?"

"Uh,so far,actually,three extra kisses,the first one is my daily gift for you for being such a ball of joy"

 _ **He remembered that time Morgan asked him what his favourite colour is and Tony said,"Pink"**_  
  
_**"Pink,really?Like that hot pink dress of mommy?"**_

_**"No, like your blush"** _

_**If anything it just made her blush harder. "Uhh,thank you?"** _

_**"Of course, it's my life's goal to make you blush. Umm, Besides the dishwashing of course.A-a-a-nd occasionally being a superhero."** _

_**"The best hero. My favourite hero"** _

_**"How to flatter your dad : 101 Or, should I say how to get an extra icepop from dad:101"** _

_**"More like when your dad just can't take a compliment for what it is : 101"** _

Right now though her blush was one shade darker than the ironman suit, which is saying something. A new record,for sure.

Almost maroon. And it was one of her favourite colours. He knew. Red and gold.

Just like he knew her favourite song,  
Her never ending appetite for cheeseburgers,how to calm her down after a nightmare,what flower she liked,what made her blush.

And because he can never get enough,he whispered, "I love you tons" to make her blush ever harder if that was even possible.

He knew her reply.

"I love you 3000"

"Yeah?nice try. I said "tons". Plural. Meaning that I love you at least 4000.Which means I love you more. Now go to sleep or I will sell all your toys.And remember, nobody likes a nerd, Morgan"

Morgan said without missing a beat, "Don't worry. I love you.And don't you  remember? Three thousand is the new infinity now"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first time writing a story. EVER.
> 
> Endgame Ended me.This is my coping mechanisms.
> 
> ****SO,IF YOU LIKE IT PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT or KUDOS...I COULD REALLY USE SOME ENCOURAGEMENT****
> 
> And also English is not my first language. So a beta reader would be really helpful.
> 
> Anyone interested? A N Y O N E ? SOS. 
> 
> Looks like I am just talking to myself(lol)


	2. The scientists

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He always liked the colour of the sunset.  
> The sky was on fire.  
> So was the ocean...
> 
> He hears her footsteps before he sees her,a footstep he'll recognise anywhere in the world...& Before he knows it he is panicking...All this time while he was stuck in space,he kept counting the things he would never get to tell her.
> 
> But now that she's here...
> 
> It's pepper who breaks the silence first...she sets something on his lap & before he can say something she is out of the room...  
> Which is... weird,,,even for Pepper.
> 
> But opening the box is a bit struggle as his hands are shaking...he finally opens it with trembling hands.
> 
> And...Tony stark is dumbfounded for the second time.
> 
> * * *
> 
> "Where's my mind?" Tony wondered.
> 
> "I lost my mind" Tony figured.
> 
> "I don't mind" Tony realized.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come up to meet you  
> Tell you I'm sorry  
> You don't know how lovely you are  
> I had to find you  
> Tell you I need you  
> Tell you I set you apart
> 
> Tell me your secrets  
> And ask me your questions  
> Oh let's go back to the start  
> Running in circles, coming up tails  
> Heads on a science apart
> 
> I was just guessing at numbers and figures  
> Pulling your puzzles apart  
> Questions of science, science and progress  
> Do not speak as loud as my heart
> 
> Tell me you love me  
> Come back and haunt me  
> Oh and I rush to the start  
> Running in circles, chasing our tails  
> Coming back as we are
> 
> Nobody said it was easy  
> Oh it's such a shame for us to part  
> Nobody said it was easy  
> No one ever said it would be so hard  
> I'm going back to the start
> 
> © The scientist - Coldplay

After Tony's sixth attempt to fall asleep he finally gave up & came to the balcony from where the lake could be seen. But not before securing a blanket over Morgan who was sleeping peacefully.

"Sweet-est-est dreams, sweetheart"

The lake reminds him of the times he & pepper would sit together overlooking the Pacific ocean in their Malibu house after a long day. It was always pleasent.

One evening.That's all it took to change everything.

**_He just came back from the hospital._ **

**_There Rogers was. The whole team. As demanding as always._ **

**_They hooked him to an IV, put him in a wheelchair and wanted him to make it all better._ **

**_As if he wasn't warning them for ages._ **

**_He could never turn off the image of_ **  
**_laying on the hard cold concrete,_ **  
**_as he laughs bitterly at his failed attempt to turn this team into a family,a team that has left him, betrayed him,lied to him, trusted a hydra agent over him._ **

**_He laid in a broken suit aka his metal coffin,in a pool of his own blood, the bloody mark of a sheild on his heart,the sheild in question laying near by,as Rogers throws it away along with all his responsibilities.For the world, for the people,as an Avenger._ **

**_The sheild that his father made,his father who always said he would never be as good as Rogers._ **

**_The image of his mom,his mom..._ **

**_All these years he thought it was just an accident._ **

**_He never got to say goodbye,never got to say that he loved her.So much._ **

**_Tony lays there blaming himself for everything that went wrong even though he was right all along.As Rogers left him to freeze him to death.And takes most of the team with him, leaving him to clean up their mess._ **

**_And even after thanos,the snap,even though it turned out that he was right all along, no one, no body bothered to utter one word featuring S,O,R and Y. Go figure._ **

**_But that kid...his kid,Peter said sorry...his last words...as he died in his arms..._ **

**_Why the people who don't need to apologize always do so and why the people who need to apologize never do so?_ **

**_He doesn't wanna know._ **

**_Anymore._ **

**_He is done,so,so done._ **  
**_Done with this world._ **  
**_Done with everything._ **

**_He is never enough._ **  
**_They always want something._ **  
**_Doing their best after the fact._ **  
**_He doesn't want to be an A-venger anymore._ **

**_No body listened when he tried to warn them. Lebeled him as evil, paranoid,mad._ **

**_"He's my friend" "so was I"_ **

**_“Are you incapable of letting go of your ego for one second?”_ **

**_“I'm going to sleep downstairs. Tinker with that.”_ **

**_“When I ordered that hit on you, I worried that I was killing the golden goose.”_ **

**_“Oh God, Tony! Every time. Every time I think you see things the right way…”_ **

**_“You think you fight for us. You just fight for yourself.”_ **

**_“I have more than enough words to describe you, Stark.”_ **

**_“You gotta watch your back with this guy. There's a chance he's gonna break it.”_ **

**_"This is my son.You killed him"_ **

**_"We are taking a break.it's no one's fault"_ **

**_“Do me a favour. Try not to bring it to life.”_ **

**_“Well I guess you'd know. Whether you tell us is a bit of a question.”_ **

**_“I'm sorry. I'm not that kind of doctor.”_ **

**_"Big man in a suit of armour take that away & what are you?"_ **

**_“You don’t deserve to wear one of these!”_ **

**_“You know, you may not be a threat, but you better stop pretending to be a hero.”_ **

**_Moral of the story:rusted wheels can't move on._ **

**_No matter what tony does he's always considered wrong & Rogers is always right._ **

**_He doesn't want to be in this pity party anymore._ **

**_They were always going to break his heart._**  
**_He always kind of knew it._ **  
**_As if two times wasn't enough._ **  
**_Obediah and Rogers._ **  
**_Don't give your heart to anyone._ **  
**_They will always drop it._ **  
**_But this time if anyone is going to break it, it's going to be Tony._ **

**_He rips away his heart because there's nothing more he can possibly give._ **

**_He is a goner._ **  
**_Can somebody please catch his breath?_ **  
**_Because he can't do it anymore._ **

Later he was told that he fainted.  
That it is perfectly normal for the prisoners of war.

Only if they knew,,, it's not the war that broke him. It was the team that he thought was his own.

There was a lot of therapy involved.Most of which he can't remember.

For a few weeks that's all the world could talk about.It took them exactly one week to lebel him as disable, useless.

At some point,the thick fog of ignorance left him finally .Whatever medicine they were giving him, finally started working on him.Well,better late than never,right? He was forcibly brought back to earth once again.

They told him he is getting better.

But if only he could sleep...

If only the nightmares would stop playing in his head over & over like adversaries

The world didn't want him anymore.  
He wished pepper still did.

It happened out of blue.

 **_He was sitting, waiting, wishing._ **  
**_Staring at the endless reflection of the afternoon sky in the sea._ **

**_He always liked the colour of the sunset._ **  
**_The sky was on fire._ **  
**_So was the ocean..._ **

**_He hears her footsteps before he sees her,a footstep he'll recognise anywhere in the world... & Before he knows it he is panicking...All this time while he was stuck in space,he kept counting the things he would never get to tell her._ **

**_But now that she's here..._ **

**_It's pepper who breaks the silence first...she sets something on his lap & before he can say something she is out of the room..._ **

**_Which is... weird,,,even for Pepper._ **

**_But opening the box is a bit struggle as his hands are shaking...he finally opens it with trembling hands._ **

**_And...Tony stark is dumbfounded for the second time._**

**_It's a... ring?_ **

**_The small handwritten note in the box does nothing but make him more confused._ **

**_"To be placed on the ring finger of the left hand"_ **

**_What?but...He...,he doesn't understand._ **  
**_He...Oh!_ **

**_Suddenly he feels removed again... like he never made it back from the space in the first place._ **

**_It can't be what he thinks it is._ **

**_Or,can it?_ **

**_He stands up on wobbly feet. Like... like he is learning to walk for the first time._ **

**_"Pep?"_ **

**_She is standing facing the window,the afternoon light making her look unreal._ **

**_She turns towards him,her face is a storm of raging emotions. He is no better._ **

**_There's tears in her eyes and he has never seen her looking this vulnerable._ **

**_He is still trying to process it all when she says,"Marry me?"_ **

**_God,what is English?_ **

 

> Tell me you love me 
> 
> Comeback and haunt me 
> 
> Oh and I rush to the start 
> 
> Running in circles,
> 
> chasing our tails 
> 
> Coming back as we are

**_When he doesn't answer,scratch that,when he just can't answer, can't form anything particularly coherent,she speaks again, "please?", but there's a hint of a smile on her face._ **

**_"Okay...,yeah,okay",he manages._ **

**_"Aww, that's very romantic"_ **

**_God,he knew he was acting like an idiot._ **

**_"Oh,pep,... I...,yeah,yeah,I can do better, Deep breath , " I.. pep ... I..."_ **

**_But she was laughing,her laugher echoing through the empty halls, filling the empty space in his heart._ **

**_Making it simultaneously easier and harder to breath._ **

**_"I thought I lost you, idiot"_ **

**_"How about a farm, on a lakeside, far...far, from this catastrophe?"_ **

**_What he meant was a new life._ **

**_"Sound pretty,very good"_ **

Things get blurry after that...

_**He can't remember how much time he sat there,,, frozen in place...** _

_**The sun was done for the day,was trying to find it's way back home into the ocean...** _

_**Just like him.The thought made him shiver...** _

_**Everything was not ok.** _  
_**But he was back.** _  
_**Back to the promise of a family.** _  
_**Back to pepper.** _

_**Then came Morgan,a blessing really.** _  
_**Pure blessing. He will never be able to thank God enough.** _

He still can't stop pinching himself to make sure whether it's real or not.

May be he died in space, maybe it's heaven...or may be, it's just a very long dream...

But even if this is just a dream,  
he...he never wanna wake up.

But of course that dream didn't last long.

 

*****         

 

FIVE FREAKING WHOLE YEARS.

They never thought of checking on him.  
once.  
ever.

Now they are here because they need a "big brain" to solve their problems.

Because once again they want him to do something for them even though it essentially means that Tony might lose his little family that he thrived for his entire life.

He might never come back to his little family.

**A family he made from scarathes.**

**A family he thrived for his entire life.**

**A place where he can go.**

**A place where he belongs.**

**A place where he is ... loved.**

Tony remembered telling them to stay for dinner even though just the sight of them were making him anxious, the flashbacks he tried to suppress for so long were trying to emerge in all it's glory...

But of course they just...left. No surprises.

This is such a small thing but it shows the difference between how Tony sees them and how they see Tony.

It's a shame that he still has that report card.

 

 

 

> “Iron Man: Yes. Tony Stark: Not recommended.”

Suddenly the argue to throw it away overpowers the rational part of his brain.

He wants to throw it in the water.He wants to throw away all his memory that his photographic brain never let him get rid of. He wants to be reborn, like a phoenix.

Tony can't even tell when he left his house. He only realizes when he is suddenenly hit by chilly night air. But he could care less.  
   
He steps forward, the water climbing to his knees, making him shiver harder than before,it was wrapped around him now.  
   
There was no reason to it.Climbing into the lake in dead of the night.He starts wading in anyway.

He wants to be warm, happy, and alone.Only the water wasn't warm. It was cold,freezing even.But he doesn’t have to worry about anything.Not anymore. Avengers were back . As usually, people have forgotten every harm they caused & welcomed them back with open arm.They didn't need Tony stark anymore.

He dives in.

It's so cold but it's ok.Extreme weather is where Tony stark really shines.

The water would wash away all his nightmares,may be finally he could be free, finally asleep, peaceful.

 

 

> "No, it won't idiot"- his brain supplies."The only thing it would do is attract some paparazzi"
> 
> "Oh, goodie! At midnight?And even though I'm not a part of the so called "avengers" anymore?"
> 
> "Well,may be that's why they are even more curious about you right now.Who doesn't like too watch the Icarus fall?Just think about the juicy headline:MENTALLY UNSTABLE TONY STARK TRIES TO DRAWN HIMSELF"

All his life,the media always tried to bring him down. Especially after he moved into this little farm. Media has gone crazy to get a glimpse of him.

Who knows it better than Tony Stark that how rumours can spread like wildfire?

 

 

 

> _Some said *Tony stark is mentally unstable thus the avengers had to lock him in a distant farmhouse aka just another sympathy trope for the a-vengers *_
> 
> _Poor Avenger,lost their teammate as soon as they got him back._
> 
> _As if they had put any effort to bring him back,as if they even cared._
> 
> _Others claimed Tony stark never actually made it back from space instead it was just a skrull._ _Which the a-vengers fought with bravity and successfully destroyed._

Either way,they just needed to hear some heroics of the avengers to feed themselves lies in the name of hope.

Well, Ignorance is bliss. Tony has to admit.

But he preferred the harsh truths over colorful lies.

Tony had to work hard to keep them at bay. He just wanted to lay low,keep a low profile & live whatever was left of his life without any interference.

But now?

It really didn't matter anymore  
When there was even bigger things to lose.

 

 

> "Ask me if I care"

He didn't realize he was shouting.

But it's nothing new though.There's always this internal war between his brain & his mind.The voice in his head just never stops... except it's unusually quite now.May be the cold water is really working.

But he is shivering so bad.he can’t really remember how to swim. He kicks out wildly.he feels removed, disembodied, floating.

Almost as if he is back to the cave again..

Or back to Siberia...

But he can't really think about it right now

There has to be a way to control his mind

He can't,he can't,he can't,he can't...

Just nope...

He...

_**It’s like icy knives are stabbing him all over...but he can't build the Jericho,,,** _

_**He won't** _

_**He won't** _

_**He won't** _

_**Oh,god!** _

_**It's agony,pure agony.** _

**_No air, just darkness and slivers of the stars,miles,miles away, twinkling at him,calling him home._ **

But he can't go yet, can't waste his life... because he promised someone,years ago.someone who saved his life & turned him into what he is today,Yinsin.

His shouts are muffled through the water. It’s like there's a sucking void inside him.It’s too much like Afghanistan...

Or the freezing banker in Siberia...ugh,nooo!!!

Yinsin was with him in Afghanistan.

But Siberia...it's just cold, _morgue cold._

There's no glory in dying by betrayal.

The funny thing about betrayal is it never comes from your enemies,it comes from the people you once trusted.

There's tragedy at the very core of Tony Stark, written in his bones.The pain of not being enough,not being worthy.That's what he has been told from his childhood.

It burns him from inside out.

_**He is there all over again,cold & alone & faded.** _

_**The bloody sheild of captain good old America is lying next to him...But He can just barely see it, can't really turn his head...it feels frozen in the ground...but he can't really tell,,,** _

_**Not anymore.** _

_**He is not sure where his body starts & where it ends...only thing he can feel is cold...** _

_**Even the blood pouring from his wounds doesn't feel warm anymore.He feels numb.He feels like the blood in his veins, every neuron in his body has frozen too...but on the plus side,he can't really feel the ache in his chest anymore where captain's sheild has hit him...** _

_**He can't really see straight...his hearing is going too... And The tears,ugh,they just won't stop pouring... what's the point of crying if the tears just gets frozen as soon as it leaves his eyes?** _

_**It's not like someone is coming from him anyway...he is just going to die here,** _  
_**Alone...** _  
_**Cold...** _

& With another shaddering breath he is once again back to the reality...

This was such a bad idea.

  _ **SUCH.**_ _ **A.**_ _ **BAD.**_ _ **IDEA.**_

Just his sleep deprived brain playing tricks on him.

 " ** _Where's my mind?" Tony wondered._**

  ** _"I lost my mind" Tony figured._**

**_"I don't mind" Tony realized._ **

But not to worry, he left stark industries in pepper's hand.The world got back their beloved avengers & he wouldn't dare to interfere this time.

They made it pretty clear that they never saw him as one of them.Never cared about him.

 

 

 

> "Just a failed attempt of tony stark to make a family"-his brain supplies.

Trying to laugh was a bad idea.It sounds maniac.

_Maybe because he is one?_

what was he thinking?That he could be a hero like them? He was never a hero material,nuh uh.

_WHAT WAS YINSIN THINKING WHEN HE SAVED HIS LIFE?_

_SERIOUSLY,WHAT?WAS?HE?THINKING?_

Tony realizes that he would never really know...

After all these years, that man is still the biggest mystery to him.It's like he only exists in Tony's wildest dreams... 

Sometimes showing him the ray of sunshine in the deep dark cave, sometimes helping him to easy the pain when it gets too much... He feels too good to be real...as if he is just Tony's imagination

 

 

>  "Was"-tony's brain supplies...
> 
> "Why thank you,,,who welcomed you back anyway? I think I was here to get rid of you"
> 
> "Yeah, because it turned out so well, flashbacks & all.Get up,loser"
> 
> "No,I won't"
> 
> "Yes,you will.You are going to play time heist, remember?Plus,it would be funny if you die like this after surviving Afghanistan, an wormhole, Siberia & the latest addition :spa-a-ace,,,ohhh, spooky"
> 
> "Ugh,what did I do to deserve such pun-isment?"

He says with bitter sarcasm,but his body is going so numb...he can barely swim...

But he or his brain,none of them is really surprised when he manages to swim back to the shore...he is nothing if not a sole survivor,,, it's his gift, it's his curse.

Even when he is drowning in his own tears

Even when he is burning in his own sorrows

Even when weight of the world is too much.

He stands up.  
Every.single.time.  
Against all odds.  
Like a phoenix.

But The life of a phoenix is not as fun as it may sound.

Plus,contray to popular belief,he wasn't here to die anyway;he was here to drawn his sorrow & find peace,

But did he find peace? Did he?

He was here to hide his little happy ending under the sea, like a treasure chest.

Even if it costs his silly, little life to bring Peter back, to bring everyone back,then be it.

Because he believes he should not be alive unless it's for a reason...

He was never good at letting go anyway...

Even though the world gives him nothing but hatred in return.

The sun is peeping through the horizon, trying to open it's eyes like a newborn.

The sweet smell of Lily making him dizzy, Morgan's favourite flower.

It reminds him of....the simpler times

Suddenly it hits him that He might never go back to his little family again,might never get to see his best friend and his beloved wife again. Or, Morgan,Peter or Harley. He might never get to attend their graduation,their wedding. Might never get to see them grow up.

He starts walking back to home but not before picking a Lily for Morgan.

When he finds her she's still sleeping peacefully,he kisses her forehead,"Here you go, little miss,four extra kisses" and tucks the flower behind her ear.

No,he is not crying.

**_Who cares if one more light go away?_ **

> ****_Nobody said it was easy_  
>  Oh it's such a shame for us to part  
>  Nobody said it was easy  
>  No one ever said it would be so hard  
>  I'm going back to the start

Oh, _**LET'S GO BACK TO THE START.**_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first time writing a story. EVER.
> 
> Endgame Ended me.This is my coping mechanisms.
> 
> ****SO,IF YOU LIKE IT PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT or KUDOS...I COULD REALLY USE SOME ENCOURAGEMENT****
> 
> And also English is not my first language. So a beta reader would be really helpful.
> 
> Anyone interested? A N Y O N E ? SOS. 
> 
> Looks like I am just talking to myself(lol)


	3. Gone,gone,gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You... you are my son,my daughter,my sun,moon,stars,my...my,my everything...you are my everything, E-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g,okay?Just...just..,alw' always tr'y,try... to remember that,Daddy loves,loves,loves you.So,so much,okay?Morgan,look at me,okay?Try to remember it for daddy?Please?I love you three thousand...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When life leaves you high and dry  
> I'll be at your door tonight if you need help, if you need help  
> When enemies are at your door I'll carry you way from more  
> If you need help, if you need help  
> Your hope dangling by a string  
> Ill share in your suffering to make you well, to make you well.
> 
> When you fall like a statue  
> I'm gon' be there to catch you  
> Put you on your feet, you on your feet  
> And if your well is empty  
> Not a thing will prevent me  
> Tell me what you need, what do you need
> 
> I surrender honestly  
> You've always done the same for me  
> So I would do it for you, for you  
> I'm not moving on  
> I love you long after you're gone  
> For you, for you  
> You would never sleep alone  
> I love you long after you're gone  
> And long after you're gone, gone, gone
> 
> You're my back bone, you're me cornerstone  
> You're my crutch when my legs stop moving  
> You're my headstart, you're my rugged heart  
> You're the pokes that I've always needed  
> For you, for you  
> Baby I'm not moving on  
> I love you long after you're gone  
> For you, for you  
> You would never sleep alone  
> I love you long after you're gone  
> For you, for you  
> Baby I'm not moving on  
> I love you long after you're gone  
> For you, for you  
> You would never sleep alone  
> I love you long, long after you're gone  
> Like a drum baby don't stop beating  
> Like a drum baby don't stop beating  
> Like a drum baby don't stop beating  
> Like a drum my heart never stops beating for you  
> And long after you're gone, gone, gone  
> I love you long after you're gone gone gone
> 
> © Gone, gone, gone - Philip Philips

Morgan woke up to the smell of lily.

But there was a blind, nagging sense of fear.

The combination of fear and lily made a tangible sensation behind the eyes of her mind.

The bedroom solidified again, filled with the muted light of dawn.The sound of her own ragged breathing was annoying enough,on top of that the panic started to return with the  momentary confusion.

 She took a deep breath,

 Then another.

 A cold sweat chills down her back.

Her pulse fades back to its regular rhythm.

 She's so sore.Seriously, what's the point of sleeping if she just wakes up feeling as sore as ever?

 Her heart was heavy with tears, like a mist-wrapt dawn.

 She tried to forget about her fears and focus on the lily neatly tucked behind her ear.

 It..has to be dad.

 Dad?

 Huh,What time is it?

 Eight-forty-five.

 Last night's memories rushed through her all at once and just like that panic found it's way back to her again.

 She miserably dragged herself from bed & her rat race begun...

 Was he gone already?

 And just like she suspected he was at the front lawn ready to go to this strange country.

 She wanted to say so many things instead she dropped down in the lawn and burst out weeping as she gazed towards him.As he tried to comfort her, and his eyes grew wet with tears.

She clasped his neck; looked into his face, and tears fell fast from the eyes which spoke for her.

 “It’s not for forever"

She could only nod at the gentle reminder.She sniffled pathetically burying her head in his shoulder.

 “I’ll be back before you know it,dear”

Another miserable sob.

She finally turned her huge wet brown eyes that matched his father...“Can I go with you?” she whispered,“I’m so tiny,,,No one will even notice.I will be real quiet.”

That's when she noticed the unshed tears in his eyes that he was trying so hard to hold back.

From her childhood,she has learned the language of his eyes, endless in expression, deep as the sea, clear as the heavens, wherein play dawn and sunset, light and shadow.

The eyes have a lonely grandeur like Nature's own.

He could never turn her down.

She wrapped her arms tighter around his neck and whispered in his ears “It's ok,,,I think dad persons can cry too”

That made him smile,so she smiled too. He wrapped her in a tight embrace & she clinged tight.

"You are my son,my daughter,my sun,moon,you are my everything,Everything,okay?Just--just,alw' always try to remember that,Daddy loves you.So,so much. Morgan,okay?Try to remember it for daddy?I love you three thousand"

She had understood from her earliest days that God had sent her like a blessing to her father's house.Her father has made that known to her. Every day.

She sighed as he lowered her down.She found herself rooted as she looked at his face.The tears finally won & was free falling now...

She wanted to extend time, to have him a little longer, she wanted to wipe away his tears,she wanted to stop him.

She called out for him but couldn't bring herself to take another step,she was frozen in place...

And she helplessly watched as he fade away...

She flung herself down on the grassy couch beside her dear lake. It was as if she threw her arms around her dad, and tried to say: "Do not let me leave you. Put your arms about me, as I have put mine about you."

***

These schools should have a vacation for when your dad is in the battle ground.

But sadly it didn't.

Brush...brush...brush...

Eat,eat,eat...

Don't forget to breath...

Get dressed...

Run,run,run for life...

She was practically jogging down the streets & rushed into the car where happy was waiting for her.

They came to a stop in front of Millie's house.

She was the only classmate who lived relatively near to their house and her mom decided that it would be good for them to go to school together.

Knock,knock!!!

"Mille!"

No answer.

Usually she waits in front of her house.

But may be Millie's late today too.

Just her luck.

Another round of knock later the door finally opened...

"Mille, I'm so sorry.I'm late.Again.But if we start running now I think we can reach-"

"Hey,,,breath"

Oh,yes,,, that's important.

And that's when she notices.Mille is not wearing school uniform.May be she got lucky. May be school is off for some reason today that she doesn't care to know.

"Mille, you are not in a school uniform?"

"Well,you see,dad came home last night & I thought I would spend the day with him".

Oh, right.Mille's dad works abroad & comes once in a year, always carrying gifts for the entire family.

"Ah,no problem.i really should get going then"

As she sprints down the street back to the car she wonders when her father will come home too...

***

She reaches the school two minutes late & has to sneak through the back door to avoid punishment.She all but crumples on the bench but before she could catch her breath someone was shoving something into her hands.

"Take the test paper,will you?"

Ahh,right.test today,...

LiiiiFEeee!!!

Seriously what was life?

As she tries to solve the problems in the test paper she wonders if she will ever be able to solve the puzzle of her heart,if she will ever be able to fill the empty void in her soul left by her dad.

                                 ***

"Mama,where is daddy?when will he come home?"

She's aware of how her mom wheezes every time she mentions dad.

"In a foreign country, baby"

Okay,she can work with that. She just needed a particular name.

She runs up the stairs and hurriedly finds the map of the world but just to add to her horror there was no country named "foreign"

                                 * * *

"Daddy?"

Morgan opens the door at the first knock,Happy following soon after.

Uncle Rhodey was carrying her dad.

But something was off.

Or everything.

He lowered him down in front of her and just like that Morgan's whole world turned upside down.

True to his words Morgan's father did come back but as something she didn't quite recognise,his gaze was far beyond this world.

His body was limp as he was lifted onto the sofa, Morgan didn't want to understand what that means.

She sobbed as her hand brushed over his cold skin,it possessed none of the warmth his dad has spent his life breathing into everyone else around him.

When others tried to pull her away from him, she struggled wildly in their arms, her legs giving away beneath her.

She tried and failed miserably to fight back the overwhelming urge to vomit.Happy hold her as she retched. She struggled even after heaving in his arms, feet slippery against the now wet floor;blood,sweat and tears everywhere.

She tried to follow her dad who was being rolled out of the room. She reached out for him, not wanting to let him be buried into a sterile, lifeless, alien six feet hole that screamed the opposite of Tony Stark.

“Daddy,” she choked out between shuddering sobs. “You promised"

***

Her spider brother was back.

And not only him,a lot of people who she has never seen in her small little life was back too.

They said it was because of her daddy.

But where was her daddy?

The body they bring back looked like some kind of renaissance painting.

"Baby, it's Peter"

She hates to be called "baby" but she didn't complain as her mom introduced him to her but in all honesty she really didn't need to. Her dad would talk so much about Peter that Morgan would recognise him anywhere.

She could only stare as she said "I know"

She didn't know what else to say.

Peter didn't know either.

All these time Peter seemed more like a fictional character than a real life person to her.

Like Peter Pan or Humpty Dumpty.

What would you say to Peter Pan if you ever meet him?

Especially if the person who told you the story of Peter Pan was gone? Doesn't it take away the magical,miraculous effect?

Because the thread,the bridge that once used to take you to the magical land to escape reality was gone, broken.

It ceases to be imagination when it turns into cruel reality.

Because in Morgan's head, Peter was always interconnected with Tony.

She has known Peter through Tony.

To Morgan,Tony was the root of Peter's existence. She got to know Peter through him.

If anyone had the right to introduce Peter to her,it should have been her dad.

Even after Peter was gone Tony kept him alive in his heart and that heart has stopped beating.

Peter was back but the light in her dad's eyes were gone.

Yes,she realised again that she really didn't know what to say.

***

One day mom dressed her in all black even though she wanted to put on the red and gold one which was her favourite.

But she didn't argue with mom because it was fruitless, because most of the time mom was busy with work,it was dad who fed her,who dressed her,played with her,made her ready for school,stayed awake bedside her bedside when she became ill,it was dad who put her to sleep and woke her up for breakfast every morning.

Because she knew mom didn't know what her favourite things are as much as dad does.

Ahh, "did" , everyone nowadays use past tense whenever they talk about dad.

Morgan finds it irritating. It's not like her father is a part of history, history was boring and always used past tense.

Or,is he?is he a history now?

Morgan would prefer the real person anyday.

Mom told her they were going flower hunting which she didn't quite expected. Depending on everybody was a lot quieter, gloomier these days.

Just like he knew her favourite things she knew his. When everyone was gathering the conventional flowers she gathered the wildflowers.

But Lillie's,they were most important.

They decorated the arc reactor with flowers.And put it in the lake.

Morgan stared as it drifted away.

A lot of people were also dressed in black.

It looked like a sea of blackness,a dead sea.

The red and gold flowers looked like a ray of sunshine in the sea of deep dark void.Just like her dad was an embodiment of hope,the ray of sunshine for not only her,but a lot of people.

Screw grammar.She refuses to use past tense.

Still is.

And always will be.

He is ironman.

***

"It's another black suit day" was Peter's first thought in the morning.

The rest of the day was blurry.

He can't really remember anything.

It's like he's awake and not at the same time.

He's gone through this funeral thing so many times, everything he touches turns to dust.

It's like chasing after a shooting star.

They come into his life only to go away.

He should get used to it by now.

Spoiler alert: he hasn't.

They are valuable but untouchable, gone within a blink of an eye,chasing after them is like a fairytale but he feels like he's glued on tight to this carousel.

He can’t really remember exactly when they appeared in the lake house,but it has to be a long time because the last time he checked the sun was on the opposite side.

He felt too hot and cold at the same time.His feets were frozen but his hands were sweaty.He couldn’t feel his legs anymore.He must have been sitting here too long.

Suddenly he couldn’t remember why he is here.His memory wasn't at it's best.He constantly felt removed.

Then he did.He remembered … everything.

He wished he could just wipe away his mind.

Five years,five freaking years,has passed.

To peter it feels like five seconds.

“Mr.Stark...i don’t feel so good…”

How Tony catched him,took him in his arms,how he looked at peter...,pleading with his eyes,pleading not to leave him alone in this big alien soil,pleading him to stay…

He left Tony...alone.

And in return, Tony has left Peter.

Peter couldn't take this anymore,it was too much, everything was too much.

He just wanted to have Tony back.

Please,please, please.

He put on his ironman mask that he brought from home,a gift Ben had given him on his eighth birthday,it has the night lights and holograms that used to fascinate Peter so much.

It was a bit tight now,but it smelled like home and childhood wonder.

And Tony has become an essential part of home.

He started sprinting in the old-world garden which flanked the house.A lot of people gathered outside of the lake house in red and gold costume.

They never got to know him personally in their life but still Tony has somehow touched them in a way that has made them travel all the way to this distant lake house to pay homage to their hero.

At least they were the real mourners.

A lot of people who were allowed inside of Tony's house were here for show or because it was a part of their duty.

Peter smirked at the irony.

Rows of very ancient yew trees cut into strange designs girded it round.Inside was a beautiful stretch of lawn with an old sundial in the middle, the whole effect would have been so soothing in any other day,in the simpler times.

But now?it did nothing to calm his jangled nerves.

In that deeply peaceful atmosphere one could almost forget, or remember only as some a really bad nightmare, that darkened study with the sprawling,bloodstained figure on the floor.

Almost.

But he could not.He couldn't get it out from his head.

It all felt wrong.The sunny calming nature looked like it was mocking him, trying to suck him whole,an illusion.

***

Morgan has been staring at the dead,black sea for two hours straight.

Morgan's breathe caught in her throat as she found that infamous emotionless,blank face among the crowd.

He stood out like a huge black hole in the midst of dark.

What was he doing here?

As far as she knew it was a ceremony where everyone will express what dad meant to them,it's held to express their gratitude and appreciate him.

She didn't quite understand why they were appreciating him now,when he can't clearly hear them anymore.

And why they didn't appreciate him back when he could.

But one thing she knew for sure is that those people should not be here.They hurt him,they took him away from her.They don't deserve to be here.

When they first came to their house,she remembers how mom sent her to save his dad from them.

Dad kissed her forehead and said ,"I'm saved"

But now she knows that was a white lie.

She couldn't save him.

She lost her dad to the A-vengers.

She went up to him,she didn't let his overly big body intimate her.

But what she did not expect is to find another small figure there.

***

Peter came to a stop where the yew trees circled the garden. At the end farthest from the house they thickened into a continuous hedge. On the other side of this hedge, concealed from the eyes of anyone approaching from the direction of the house,there was a stone seat.

As Peter approached the spot he was aware of voices,his super hearing kicking in.

Some remark in the deep tones of a man, answered by a little ripple of feminine laughter.

An instant later he came round the end of the balcony and his eyes lit upon Maximoff and Rogers.

Their appearance shocked him to the core. In front of the press they at least tried to look demure and discreet. Now all pretense of grief had passed away.

Their eyes shone with the joy of living, and her face still quivered with amusement at some remark of her companion. He sat forward, his hands clasped and his forearms on his knees, with an answering smirk upon his blunt face.

In an instant—but it was just one instant too late—they resumed their solemn masks as Peter came into view. A hurried word or two passed between them, and then Rogers rose.

But Peter was already on his feet running away from the scene.

Before he knew it he was forcefully shoved into a wall,hard hands pressing around his shoulders,just a little harder and his bones will break.

"Let...me...go"

Peter uttered with a coldness which showed very plainly the impression which had been produced upon his mind.

Peter was thankful he was wearing the mask…they must have thought he was one of the mourners waiting outside Tony's house.

Tony Stark saved him again...this time beyond the grave where they just put him in.The thought made a shiver run down his spine.

“Not so fast,Mr Tinman,” said he, “I think we have a bargain to make’”

“It is no business of mine,i don't want anything.I just accidentally...” he said.

“Oh,please,I know mourners like you very well, Tell me how much Pepper gave you, just tell me,yeah,how much money does it take to buy you, how many bottles of glycerine to make you cry,to pretend to the world that what a great hero that bastard was—

 Peter's blood was boiling.

 If only looks could kill...

 “Here. I will give you double. If that's not enough for you tell me how much you want? _what do you want?_ i can give you _anything.Just tell me,baby.”_

 She pulled out handful of money from the purse like it was nothing & shoved it into Peter's pocket.

 Peter realized this was his chance.

 ”Anything you say?”

 “See?Now he's talking” Wanda shared a smirk with Rogers.”Yep, anything,honey”

 Roger loosened his grip a little.

Peter took a step back and a deep breath.

 Peter grabbed the money and threw it in their faces that was still hanging open from shock.

 He sprinted as fast as he could...

 But no fast enough.

 Rogers grip tightened around his shoulders If _that was even possible_ ,”If you don't want money then what are you doing here?Oh, don't tell me you are here to mourn him...As if everybody isn't actually relieved that 'selfish billionaire' is gone...Where's your invitation,tinman? I don't remember inviting Halloween costumes into my party”

  _It was his party then_

  ** _“_ ** _Oh you have to excuse me, because I thought it was tony Stark's_ **_funeral_ ** **_”_**

 And the next thing he knows is someone shoving his head into the wall...it feels like his brain just wants to escape from his skull…

 “Stevie,you are killing him.I have already so many things on my plate,the people don't exactly appreciate me joining Avengers,Shield is  worried whether to trust you or not to carry back the stones,,,,I can't handle another corpse right now” She told him but she herself was still hissing and Rogers didn't show any indication of letting go.

  _Another?How many people's blood was on her hands?Peter fought against the urge to throw up and failed.He threw up on them and their money but not before pulling off his ironman mask..._

 Rogers jerked back and cursed colourless curses.Too much for 'language'.

"It's the kid,that spider boy!!!"

They both realized the odds were not in their favour because humiliating general public was one thing but humiliating Spiderman... 

 ”For this once, pussy. Just remember.Don't think that I couldn't do this all day”

 “Do what?Beat up innocent people?oh I would not think in my dreams that you could not --”

And just like that Roger's restraints flew out of the window.He raised his fist to punch him…but let him go reluctantly as a little figure came into approach…

 

***

 

"Sorry,no time for autograph,"Rogers told  her without even looking at her.

"I'm not here for autograph"

The woman gives her a disgusted look.

"So,You want a photograph,then?"

"No,I want you to get out of here and let him go"

That catches his attention,he gazes down at her, scowling, "Do you know who I am?" he says baring his teeth,may be he was going for a fake smile but that's probably was a bad decision cause now he's just looking like a shark.

"Crap-tain america-na?the one who hurt my dad?take him away from me?and now beating up that boy?"

That woman growls,her eyes flashes red.

Like hell.

He scowls back at her,"Oh,now I'm the one to blame for Tony's death?as if that bastard didn't do it all for the glory"

She hates to hear her father's name on his tongue.

"Look,I was going to say 'manner' but I  can't really blame you considering that it was just Tony's bad parenting,but look,I am going to set a good example for you, say 'sorry' and I will let you go."

She didn't budge," Let him go first "

"And what would you do if I don't?You clearly don't know how to talk with adults,do you?

Someone gotta teach you how to behave.Since your father taught you nothing. Say 'sorry' and I will decide if you deserve forgiving and you try to forgive your dad,okay?That poor dead pigeon..."

Rogers broke out in shuddering laughter.

"Why would I?"

"You know,for once you are right.Why would you forgive him?He left you for the glory. It's all ever was about him.He doesn't deserve your forgiveness"

He puts his oversized hands on Morgan's shoulder as if to ground her,but the too tight grip is starting to hurt.

"Don't touch her, don't listen to him,Morgan…" Peter tries to break free.

That hellish eyed woman smirks and takes hold of Peter.

They were clearly outnumbered and overpowered.

"I don't think you quite understood, crap-tain Rogers" The amount of sass in her voice in this situation in this age should have been illegal if she was not daughter of the person that she so clearly was."Who am I to forgive him? while all he did was save everyone's lives. It's not like he wanted go...more like he had to go because none of you could ever think of doing what he did in your wildest dreams"

With each passing second the grip becomes stronger and it's gonna leave bruises if she doesn't do something quickly.

She does the only thing she can do.

She bites on his arm. Hard.

Rogers makes a squeaking noise and releases her but she couldn't manage to get away before he catches her again.

But this time Morgan hears another whirring noise behind her.

"Is that guy bothering you?" Oh,Harley. He's holding the anti-bullying device in his hand.

Before she could answer though she hears another footstep. It's her mom.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing,we were just starting to get along, weren't we, Megan?"

"It's Morgan actually, which actually speaks volume about just how much we were getting along when you don't even know my name. And next time, you try to bother me just know that my father did teach me something. He taught me how to stand for myself. I do bite when necessary" She said as she helped Peter stand up.

Rogers was maroon with anger and his hissing voice was cold like a knife,"When will the eulogy ceremony start, Pepper? You know some of us have important things to do"

"Yeah,not you" Harley snatched Morgan's line right from her tongue.Proving once again they have a connection.

"You don't need to stay that long,Rogers."

Pepper said in an equally cold tone if not more.

"Cause unlike you some of us were real close to Tony, and the eulogy ceremony is only for them"

 

***

At the end,the eulogy ceremony was nothing like Morgan imagined.

The lake was now overflowed with flowers.

The sun will go out soon,the night's about to follow in it's wake.

The afternoon sun is making the lake look like fluid gold,the red lilies are looking like twinkling stars among the golden sky.

The arc reactor shining like a full moon among them reminds her of the time she and her dad would sneak out of their house together in the middle of the night to go to their little treehouse,to get a glimpse of the full moon among the stars.

Every faceless black suit was sent to home. There was no cloud in the sky.

It's just Morgan,Peter, Harley, Nebula,Pepper,Rhodey, Happy sitting near the lake together.

She pretended to fall asleep on Peter's lap as her mom started speaking.

For some reason,the adults felt uncomfortable speaking in front of her. She could tell.

"Anthony Edward Stark," she takes a deep breath and continues,"EARTH'S BEST DEFENDER.STRONGEST AVENGER."

"He will reach out for you even though your hand is stained in his blood. I saw how he tried to save Obie's life even after he tried to kill him...I was at the rooftop...I was there...he told me to push that button even though it...it could kill him...he told me to push it,and I ...I did. I pushed it,for a moment I thought..."

A pause. A muffled sniffing.

"Obediah was like a father to Tony,the father he always wished for and never had,after his parents death, Obiediah was the one who raised him and Tony had no reason nor evidence to question Obie.No one of us could have guessed that Obie was double dealing behind our back,

and Obiediah knew if Tony somehow found out he will never allow it, that's why he proceeded to kill his 'golden goose's

Yet Tony took the blame upon him and tried everything he could do to make up for obediah's mistakes...And what did the world do in return? called him 'Merchant of death' "

Harley deadpanned "Wow"

She's now crying freely and Morgan wished she could cry like that.May be that would make her chest a little lighter.

"Tony stark was the real hero but most importantly, an AMAZING FATHER.WONDERFUL HUSBAND" Pepper had to close her eyes.

"I love... everything about him?I love his witty little quips.I love his ridiculously big,big heart.I love his stupidly selfless acts.I love his brilliant, brightest mind.I love his his quest for accountability...and I'm sorry for leaving him, I -"

"am Sorry,so sorry--I am sorry,Tony"

She closed her eyes and spoke as if he was there

"I'm sorry,so,so sorry for every time I left you,let you down,in that gross civil war fiasco,I wish I,I wish I was better...you,you were, scratch it you are and always had been the,the b'best' of me,the Yin to my Yang,we had a fairytale life and now it has turned into some sick Shakespearean tragedy...I..

"I love you,I love you,I love you..." she said like a mantra as if chanting it would bring him back.

Harley continued,"There was this boy named EJ who used to bully me…"

"Sorry,guys, I'm not very good with words but I will get back to the point,I promise"

And even though most of the time he acts like a drunken monkey,Morgan never seen him more serious ,like he's really fighting a war with himself.

He put one finger on his forehead,as if he's trying to get the words out,"so the bad guys,the glow-y,blow-y ones, destroyed a water tank and my god,it was like flood,and EJ almost get drowned and died,but tony..."

"Huh..Tony, he pulled out his arc reactor to resurrect him,and as,ahh,oh god, I'm so bad at this,umm,as a result he had a cardiac arrest, and thanks God, I...I somehow managed to put the reactor back.

"I think what I'm trying to say is,he will...I mean he would pull out his heart to save your life and not just poetically but in a literal sense."

"Not to mention that time tony flew a nuke through the wormhole even though he knew it was a death sentence for him"

He reached into his pocket and pulled out something red and small,"He gave me this little thing,called it 'Pinata for a Cricket',

Harley smiled through tears," It's actually an anti-bullying deterrent,and honestly I don't think I would make it alive out of school without this little friend.And not only this he gave me lots,and I mean,lots of equipment.Huh,he even gave me this... special Dora edition watch, for...for Lena,and for the past five years,Lena wasn't there to wear it but I kept it in my drawer in hopes that she will come back,that my sister... my little sister will come back...and she did...she did come back to wield her beloved watch once again...and that won't be possible if Tony didn't wielded the gauntlet "

"But the most important thing he gave? it's not the equipments or the educational fund...It's...it's

I found a father in him that I thought I lost forever.I don't even think he was aware of it. I don't think he realised the effect he had on people"

"I second that",Peter spoke up.

"I third that", this time it's Nebula.

"I think we all agree,"Pepper said.

Happy nodded.

"For someone who is bad with words you said something solid,kid" Rhodey said," Tony never really realized how he breathed life into people around him"

"The first time I met him...it was at the expo,the stark expo,and,God,was i a iron-head back then? And still am..I had the toy mask,the thrusters,it was...Ben,Ben gave me in my birthday…and I used to wear that...all the time.Like All the time.And when Ben said he managed a ticket for the expo,i..I couldn't sleep for two days because… Me?I'm going to the Stark Expo? Crazy,crazy dream"

"That's what it all felt like...a dream.When iron man came to expo...oof...i think I had a little heart attack...then the hammer drones went after Tony...I was furious,because nobody hurts my hero, I held up my baby hands but in my mind I was ironman's alley,you know?I was clearly, clearly far out of my mind, swimming in the pool of imagination,you know,the wunderkind?the childhood innocence?that eventually gets swept away by the sheer force cruel reality?

"And I would not live long enough to actually become ironman's alley,to become Spiderman,to do whatever little helping I could in my little neighborhood,if Tony didn't save me that day...he stood in front of me, protecting me, saving me from the hammer drone,the armour shining like a red ruby at the dead of night,I was living the dream, I won't ever forget the sheer euphoria of the moment when..when he said 'good work,kid" ...he won't know on how many bad days that line,that moment kept me going,pushed me forward,to do something...for good...and that was just the start,he kept saving my life again and again to this day…

"The day he came to my apartment,gave me a new life.On the expo, I met ironman. But that day I met the person inside the suit,the heart of gold..

He didn't understand that Rogers would go full killer mode..as soon as the war got violent he sent me home...and I thought maybe it will be the end of our contract... may be it's over...I wished I could help him more.Later seeing him return with a broken suit and a broken heart,it hit me hard.Like Ben.

But it wasn't the end...he gave me a freaking suit,I was... overwhelmed?more than that.And he kept contact with me,trained me, become my mentor and so much more along the way...

How many days have I called him in the middle of the night? sometimes for missions, sometimes for homeworks, sometimes just because…"

 "He never shouted at me, I kept thinking may be he will cut the call,any moment...But Never.It never happened.He listened to me.Gone as far as upgrading my apartment,took me to therapy after vulture incident,gave me a suit,gave me Karen to help me when he couldn't...took time to met with MJ because she admires him as much as I do,let me in his house,in his lab,gave me a suit with a freaking 'baby monitor protocol',gave me more than I could imagine...And I never felt lonely,i didn't felt like that I would have to do this alone...the blank space Ben left behind,Tony fulfilled it...the amount of trust he put in me,it sometimes scared me"

"The love you have for him doesn't come close to love I have for his spirit...I see his face everywhere…I...I…"

"Peter,i was there when he made it out from space... fragile,so fragile...even then,at the verge of delusion, the first thing he said after coming back from space was about you...See that?"Pepper said pointing at the house.

"That room is and was always for you...he kept a room,a place for you in his house and in his heart,Peter,you were never an outsider,he never let you go...,he always believed you will come back,he fixed the world for you,he did it for you, Peter,if that's not love…He loved you,Peter,he loves you,you are his son,his kid..."

"I…..miss him.I just.. ..  .. ... really ...miss him."

Nebula continues, "I only got to know him for such a small time but I miss him too... i know how it sounds but getting stuck with him in the endless blue of space has to be one of the best things in my life... letting me win, congratulating me all the while I was expecting it to be a trap...but he just said 'good game' and I never think I was more shocked in my life...He offered me the last chunk of food, even though we both knew he needed it more... I watched him fade away in the endless blue little by little... I did the only thing I could do...I put him in the captain's sit because he was,no,is..., he's my captain and always will be.

 "This golden part of me" Nebula pointed to her face where one part was replaced with golden,

" He fixed it and repaired it but he didn't realize he fixed my soul along the way.I don't know what I am today but at least I'm more blue than dark.I have been leaning on the dark side for so long....I almost forgot what the brilliant blue of nebula feels like.He made me golden. He set my soul on the right path. This golden part of me...belongs to him. I am going to carry it with me forever...Morgan is not the only daughter he has left behind"

"Okay,so how much of us was father-figured by Tony Stark?" Harley says,a mere whisper.

Four of them;Harley, Peter, Nebula and…. Morgan raised their hands.

 She could almost hear her father's whisper,

"Morgan you are asleep,put your hand down"

 Almost.

 Everybody was too drained to realize that Morgan was supposed to be asleep. But small details like this never went beyond her dad's eyes.

 And it's time like this when she misses him most.

 Not that she ever stops missing him, in fact it has become her second nature,her sixth sense.

 "Guys,if someone younger than you adopts you what do you call it?" Happy said through tears.

 "Friendship. You call it friendship" Rhodey quipped.

 Happy was silent for a long time before he whispered,"I was jobless, homeless then Tony Stark happened…and I was never lonely again."

 "When your boss turns into your family?" Pepper says ," I can relate, happy, I can relate…."

 "I met him in the MIT.God, I feel like I have never said it enough in front of him...but," Rhodey's voice brakes, "But he was...a genius. God, genius feels like such an understatement. But... he was a genius,entering MIT at the age of 15, and graduating at the top of his class.But no body...no one from his family came to visit him.Once. On rare occasions, Jarvis would come to visit him. And I observed how he didn't like the vacations,how reluctant he was to go home,even though other students used to bully him,God, even go as far as harassing him,he never wanted to go back to home.

 And everytime after coming back from a vacation,there was these black eyes,red marks on his face...and it didn't took me long to understand what was going on. But i was like he's a Stark,right? He will be alright.

Rhodey facepalmed," God,I was such an idiot. I should have talked to him sooner. But something was holding me back, something that vanished away in one night. I think they invited him to a party even though he was only fifteen and a half and others were much older. But I smiled to myself as I saw him nervously trying on one suit after another because he was too young and too excited to join the party,to join everyone else. And I thought may be people were finally forgetting about his last name and getting along with him for who he is,a genius. But he was more than a genius,he proved it that night.

"I was invited at the party too. And we went together but as soon as I got into the party I lost track of him which I would regret later. Later I found him encircled by a group of much older boys like me bullying him for drinking from a canned coke in a party.They called him pussy and stuff,he just screamed that he won't be like his father,a full time alcoholic."

"But they said something along the line that he would never be able to escape his father and it turned out much violent and Tony was clearly outnumbered,no one got up to help him,just cheered like it was some kind of bullfighting."

"Tony ended up with mild concussion and nosebleeding. But those guys were so busy hurting him they didn't realize one of them fell from the stage and cutted his thigh,badly.There was staggering amount of blood and I would like to say that I immediately went into action but I didn't. I just sat there dumbfounded."

"But it was Tony, I saw as he sprinted to the scene,blood still pouring from his nose, he was the one who called the ambulance,tore his suit to stop him bleeding for which he had to take a beating from his father and tried to keep him awake through the whole process. And that day I realized Tony Stark had a big brain,yes,but a bigger heart"

"Later I made the mistake of asking him who gave him the first aid training and he just shrugged and said he has to nurse his own injury often at home.I remembered how afraid he was to go home,how he always came back with injuries and how he didn't want to be like his father. I told him to put an ice pack on his forehead which was swelling up,but he just smiled,yes,he dared to smile at my face and said that He had much worse"

"And I ... I think it was a payback for me knowing what I knew and never protesting or saying a thing. He knew that I already figured out what was going on with his father or with his classmates,how both party bullied him,but my silence meant I was no better than them.And that sad smile made it clear to me.He couldn't have taken a better vengeance."

"And for all the beatings he has taken, I never saw him cry.Once.However, the first time I saw tears in those eyes was when his father broke one claw of dum-e.He told me dum-e was trying to save him from his father."

"I knew his pain tolerance has to be through the roof. But the ultimate example is when... when he wielded the gauntlet. I saw Hulk,I saw thanos screaming like crazy even though they are much stronger than Tony." 

"But Tony had something that they didn't have."

 "There's tragedy at the very core of Tony Stark, written in his bones.The pain of not being enough,not being worthy.That's what he has been told from his childhood.the pain of betrayal AND the funny thing about betrayal is it never comes from your enemies,it comes from the people you once trusted.Like Rogers.And for those who think mental pain is for the weak,as someone who has been taking therapy,I quote my therapist:From depression to PTSD, repeated studies have found that emotional trauma triggers the same parts of the brain as physical pain and, in some cases, can be be just as excruciating as any severe injury. As surprising as it might seem, psychological distress is one of the worst things a human being can experience..."

"plus he had his fair share of physical pain too. We are talking about a guy who had yinsin cut a hole in his chest without anesthetics,who survived three months of torture,who survived a desert,palladium poisoning,space two times,who sacrificed his life again and again for the world..."

 "Pain is nothing new to Tony.Physical pain ?mental pain?You name it.It burns him from inside out.But He never lets the pain get the best of him.Never.He looked at the eye of his enemy and did what was needed to be done to protect his family,even though it cost his life, even though it put him through unimaginable, surreal amount of pain.

"I could see it in his eyes,feel it in my bones."Peter said.

After that Everyone spoke up when they felt like they could manage coherent speech.

There was no formality. No one judged no one.There was no start or end.Everyone started where another person ended.

 "Anthony Edward Stark knew that using the gauntlet will kill him,the force of infinity will tear him apart into billion pieces, the heat of the thousand fires will burn him beyond repair." Pepper said.

"He knew he will never get to see his daughter again.He Will never get to see Peter and Harley. He will never get to see them grow up.He will never see his best friend and his beloved wife.He will never go back to his little family."A family he made from scarathes." Nebula said.

"A family he thrived for his entire life."Pepper added through broken whisper,"A place where he can go,A place where he belongs,A place where he is loved"

"He loves too hard,He cares too much,He thinks too deep-that's his problem.In the end,,,he's just a human,a civilian, sacrificing his life again and again for this silly little mad world even though the world gives him nothing but hatred in return.The selfish billionaire gave up his happy ending so that others (those who questioned if he's worthy enough to be a hero, mocked him) could have a happy ending", it's Peter who spoke up.

 "The futurist gave up his future so that others (those who betrayed him and lied to him again and again,,labeled him as paranoid) could have a future."This time it's Harley.

 "The merchant of death gave up his life so that trillion others (those who hurt him mentally and physically throughout his entire life) could live their lives." It's Rhodey.

"Because he believes he shouldn't be alive unless it's for a reason. He never calls himself a hero but his actions make him one.", it's pepper.

 "MORE THAN A HERO."-peter.

"MORE THAN A GENIUS."-Harley.

"MORE THAN A PHILANTHROPIST."-nebula.

 "He is ironman." Three of them said in sync.

 "No,he is more than that."

Nobody realized when Morgan woke up. 

"Daddy used to tell me stories of Phoenix…but..."

 But no one will tell me stories of phoenix anymore - goes unsaid.

 "I don't really know what to say cause everyone already said everything.But I just want to say I am really fond of phoenix,how they rise up from the ashes,the idea of rebirth instead of destruction,but...but...I never really know phoenix actually exists and my dad is one of them."

 "And this is how I will always remember him:He fell, he crashed, he broke, he cried, he crawled,he hurt,he surrendered And then…. He rose again.I don't know where daddy is but...i am not moving on,I love you long after you are gone, daddy...Long,long after you are gone,gone,,gone….i love you three thousand"

 

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would really love it if u guys let me know...  
> Which scene made you cry or which scene you liked most etc etc.
> 
> I had so many ideas for this fic but I am not sure whether to leave this fic here or run wild with crazy ideas.Any suggestion?


	4. The hanging tree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wounds heal
> 
> . b
> 
> . u
> 
> . t
> 
> Scars remain
> 
>  
> 
> [ MIND THE TAGS ]
> 
> Not captain marvel Friendly  
> Not captain America friendly  
> Not Wanda maximoff friendly
> 
> And the whole thing is based on an actual comic named civil war 2. So, what happens in this story is not totally uncharacteristic. If you want a heads up and don't care about spoilers then see the end note.
> 
> Don't like, Don't read.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you?¿are you?¿  
> Coming to the tree ?  
> They strung up a man ?  
> They say who murdered three *  
> Strange things did happen here ×  
> No stranger would it be ∆  
> If we met at midnight °  
> In the hanging tree ?¿
> 
> ©The Hanging Tree  
> ~James Newton Howard

When the girl was given the name of Morgan, who could have guessed that she would grow up to hate water?

She grew up by that lake and for the sake of uniformity her father named her Morgan which means sea-born, sea-song, sea-circle.

It's not like she always hated the water,she loved it. She loved to swim in the lake with his father.

Before she learnt how to swim,she would sit in the bank of the river and he swam to the middle of the lake to bring her the red water lily that she loved.

There was something about Morgan that would make other children dread her. She was silent and companionless as the noontide.But her father was her full time playmate.He fulfilled her want of company and ran around silly and all with her.They would sit in the lake side by side.

The murmur of the brook, the crying of the birds and the rustle of trees mingled were one with the trembling of her heart. They became one vast wave of sound which beat upon her restless soul.

This murmur and movement of Nature were the girl's language; that speech of the brown eyes, which the long lashes shaded, was the language of the world about her.

From the trees, where the cicalas chirped, to the quiet stars there was nothing but signs and gestures, weeping and sighing. And in the deep mid-noon, when her mom slept and birds were still, when the great busy world paused in its toil and suddenly became a lonely, awful giant, then beneath the vast impressive sky there were only a girl and her father, sitting very silent,—one under the spreading sunlight, the other where a small tree cast it's shadow.

But Morgan was not altogether without friends.There were two kittens,Toki and Boki,The one with the snow white fur was Toki and the crystal black one was named Boki.When she fondled them or scolded or coaxed them, they understood her. She would rub her cheek against her friend's, and her father would turn his great kind eyes and look at her lovingly.Every time they got a chance, night or day, the kittens would jump into her lap, and settle down to slumber, and show its appreciation of an aid to sleep as she drew her soft fingers over its neck and back.

Sometimes Tony would catch fish and while catching fish, a silent companion is best of all.Tony never complained about her taciturnity, and, as everyone called her Morgan, he showed his affection by calling her Morguna.

She used to sit beneath a tamarind, and Tony, a little distance off, would cast his line.Sitting and gazing a long while, she desired ardently to bring some great help to Tony, to be of real aid.But there was nothing to do.

She noticed on several occasions,how sometimes his eyes would turn glassy from staring at the water for too long,as if he was in a different world. She would go and kiss his cheek and that used to bring him back to earth.

He would smile and tell her,"Morguna,as always keeping me down to earth,what would I do without you?I would have flew away long ago"

But back then she didn't understand what that meant,the deeper meanings behind his words.

"Like,umm... like a bird?Wow, daddy,can you fly?Can you take me with you?"

"One day,baby girl,one day, I will make you a suit and we will fly together,side by side"

It's one of those things that's never going to happen any more.

She remembered the first time he took her to the water,how excited and afraid she was all at the same time.

He demonstrated all the safety measures he could think of,Friday monitoring her every step in case she falters.

Even before she was born her dad put an invisible fence around the lake as a safety measure which got triggered and sent alarms to Tony the instant if she ever tried to pass the fence and go too near the lake without Tony or Pepper's supervision. The device was the size of an ant and whenever activated it could create an invisible and non harmful forcefield around the desired area.  
He would put on the best,most advanced life jacket around her.  
How he used to secure his arm around her midsection and taught her how to swim.How he found the best swim instructor and also a lifeguard just in case.

She cherished those memories.

But since that day,the day when the arc reactor drowned in the lake,she could never bring herself to look at the lake the same way.

If she knew it was going to drown,she would have never let her mom put it in the water,but she was just a dumb little girl who knew no better.

For some time,the arc reactor looked so beautiful in the lake but the next day she woke up just wanting to be held by her father again.She wanted it all to be a bad dream and to prove that to herself she sprinted to the lake.

The arc reactor wasn't there and she was glad for a moment, just for a split second she thought that maybe yesterday was indeed just a nightmare,a very,very bad nightmare.

Later she realised that like the arc reactor,her dad wasn't there either.  
The difference was that the arc reactor had drowned and her father had burned out like a star.The lake just didn't seem right without the arc reactor or without her dad.

Only think,If she had been a water nymph, she might have risen slowly from the lake, bringing the arc reactor to the landing-place...she might dive into the lower world, and see there, on a golden bed in a palace of silver, whom else but her father? Yes, her loving father, the king of that shining city of jewels! But that might not be, it was impossible.

She just wanted to be called "Morguna",to hear his loving voice,to run to his arms again.She wants to tell him she loves him far more than three thousand,but back then three thousand seemed like infinity.

Do you ever feel like recreating your past memories and you brought in every material that you had before to make it as real as before? And you try in every way but it never works and then you realize that it's because even though you worked so hard to make everything the same as before, it's ultimately you who has changed in the process? That you will never be the same again?Do you ever miss the simpler times?

Do you ever miss your past happy self?

***  
Gradually she grew up. Gradually she began to find herself.

A new inexpressible consciousness like a tide from the central places of the sea, when the moon is full, swept through her. She saw herself, questioned herself, but no answer came that she could understand.

Why was he gone?  
What did she do to deserve this?  
What did he do to deserve this???

***

Once upon a time, late on a night of full moon, she slowly opened her door and peeped out timidly. Nature, herself at full moon, like lonely Morguna, was looking down on the sleeping earth.

There was a lot of stars in the sky but the moon was always alone. 

Singular. 

Always.

Just like Morguna.

He might have been just a person to the world.But to her he was the world.

Her small young life never stopped beating for him ; sadness filled her being to its brim; she reached the limits even of her own illimitable loneliness, nay, passed beyond them. Her heart was heavy, and she could not speak. At the presence of a silent troubled father there stood a silent troubled girl.

True to her words,she hasn't moved on,she loved him long after he was gone,gone, gone.

She loved.  
And she loved.  
And she lost him.

Nothing matters.

Between life and death,nothing matters.

Love? Never enough.

You can never love your lover enough just like love is never enough to bring your lover back.

If love could keep him alive,he would have lived forever.

Yeah,Nothing matters, indeed.

It was a sad little world,a never ending circle.

Morgan tiptoed through the garden.

The "peace" lily was about to blossom even though peace had long since disappeared from the world.

It's a shame that within eleven years of Tony Stark's demise there has been two world wars already.

Shield was at it's lowest.Without anyone to improvise, Shield was giving all of it's funds to the developed countries for rebuilding purposes, while the rest of the world screamed for someone, anyone to help.

Nick Fury declared that Danvers is going to be the new leader of A-vengers even though Rhodey deserved it more.

On her first day,"The her herself,the self proclaimed noble, princess, warrior, hero" declared that she doesn't need to rule in public's terms or their interest instead she would rule on her own terms and anyone who opposes her must perish because that person has to be a sexist.

Doesn't it sound familiar?  
Oh,yes.  
"The safest hands are our own"

Like Rogers her powers came from an explosion, she didn't earn it, hadn't done anything to prove her worth. Totally accidental. Could have happened to anyone, good or bad.

A hero is made by actions,not empty words or empty promises.

But Untrue to her overconfident empty promises of restoring the peace of the world, the difference between America and the rest of the world only raised.When it was given 63 percent of the total fund and the rest of the funds were divided between the whole world.

She kept insisting she's a self proclaimed noble warrior hero which made it clear that she in fact had a Roger-like-intellect.

A true hero never says he/she is in fact a "HERO". Simply because a true hero doesn't NEED to. His/her actions speak for them. It's up to the public to decide if they accept you as a hero or not. 

Even the most narcissistic hero,  
the hero everyone loves to hate for no reason,Tony Stark never,ever said he is a hero.

"I'm not a hero material"  
"I'm just a man in a can" 

But obviously he should be given the title of Textbook Narcissism,right? Right?

But captain marvel's arrogance, self-advertisement, self-righteousness, naïvity,,no respect for others opinions,no sympathy for others vulnerability screamed a red sign for people.

Because some problems were not as easy as bursting enemies into pieces.Punching things really hard doesn't always solve the problem.Just because you have power it doesn't make you a hero until you use that said power for good,until you earn that power,proof yourself to be worthy of that power.

People feared that she might turn into the reflection of Rogers.How does it feel when your worst fears come true?

Destruction is easy when you have power.But it's "fixing, repairing, rebuilding, " which was the tougher job.

It takes one blink of an eye to break down the castle of glass.But it takes hours after hours to rebuild it.And even after repairing it,it will never be the same as before.

Wounds heal,scars remain.

And with unearned power comes great irresponsibility.

In the recent years, the world was so busy fighting aliens that they forgot about the real enemies.

Extreme Hunger,Depletion of Natural Resources,Accelerated Habitat Loss,Loss of Biodiversity,Amplified Climate Change and Global Warming,Lower Life Expectancy and Diminished Quality of Life,Emergence of New Pandemics and Epidemics,Loss of Biodiversity,  
Rise in Unemployment, Crime Rate, and Violence,Intensive Farming Practices,natural calamities,Revolutions, doomsday cults, opportunistic invasions, economic collapses.

These enemies can't be seen or touched or hurt.These enemies were needed to be fought not with power but brain and wits.

But unfortunately the biggest brain of the century was buried six feet under and those who tried to replace him suffered from an extensive case of tyrannical appetite, deeply authotorian instincts and hunger for power.

It turned out that the A-vengers never hesitated to burn up the world just to keep themselves warm.

After the snap done by Hulk,a lot of people appeared where they previously were before thanos's snap.There were 475 million additional people that were gone before.

While some woke up in a running vehicle,some woke up in front of one.  
About 167 million people  
who were running planes,cars, controlling the explosive and dangerous things were snapped back in their previous places.  
Gas lines and nuclear power plant meltdowns,entire aircraft carriers getting hacked by pirates took away millions of lives.

They died as soon as they arrived.  
Even though turning to ash didn't hurt, dying like that did.

The Avengers ignored the consequences of the snap.Earth lost 2.3 billion lives that weren’t dusted, that were actually killed.Even with 475 million new people on the earth, there was still billions of lives that were lost.

The ones who came back after the snap plus was lucky enough not to wake up in a deadly situation were also having a hard time adapting to the world which had moved away without them.

There were deaths beyond the snap.

Social, political and economic landscape was extensively changed by a disaster of this magnitude.  
Even if there was a "proper plan" it would have taken years and years of hard work to get back to the position where we were before but there wasn't a "plan".

Planes were destroyed,miles and miles of highways were crashed,power supplement were shaky,lower lands with high populations were screwed,as were major metro areas,Hospitals, security care centers were understaffed, children died because their parents were dead and no one was there to take care of them.

Most of these deaths occurred not immediately but after the snap.

The slower, painful kind of deaths.

A lot people were homeless as their ex-spouses were remarried to someone else.The orphanage and schools were overflowing with children.PTSD and depression spread out like an epidemic.

Huge Collateral damage were to be expected but there wasn't enough preparation to make up for the damage.

Stark industries helped as much as they could but eventually the industry itself was falling down further proving that stark industries was nothing without one "Tony Stark"

The opportunists aka the A-vengers tried to buy the stark industries but when Pepper refused the government banned using any and all sorts of stark techs.It was punishable. The minimum punishment being hanged in an instant if caught using stark tech,and yes,you heard it right and here first, minimum,that was the minimum punishment while the maximum punishment was being hanged with your whole family.

Ridiculous,right? Or was it?

Was people's lives a joke?

So even if you don't care about your life, in order to use stark tech, you have to be a total sadist and willing to sacrifice your whole family.

And even though it financially put Morgan's family in a catastrophic she hoped nobody will have to die for using her father's tech.The goal of her father was to make life easier for People ,not to take their lives away from them.

Oh,how the mighty have fallen!

There were twice as many mouth to feed than before,but not enough food.

The clean energy programme just wasn't running as smoothly as before without Tony Stark.The polar ice caps have melted to the point that the lower parts of the world were flooded.The sea level kept rising in an alarming rate.

Non sapient animals and plants were dusted as well and the ecological impact was huge.A lot of the forests were turned into desert.

There was no one to fix the world,to rebuild it,to clean up the mess.After all, that was Tony's job. He was always good at making gold from scarathes.

People died from starvation.  
From various epidemics.  
From depression.

And honestly, there was no one to blame but the avengers insufficient recovery efforts and a proper plan.

Scratch it,there was no plan.

Rogers packed his bags within two days after Tony's death and declared that he is ready to go back to the past and have his self proclaimed "MUCH earned happy ending"

And the rest of them? No clue. But it's clear that no one of them is interested in this game called "rebuilding the world"

It was only four years after the third world war broke out.

Danver's right hand woman,Wanda maximoff,who was just a 36 year old kid and absolutely not a willingly turned hydra agent, according to both "captains", came up with the idea to use Nuclear weapons against rebels which wiped out and disabled more people than thanos ever did.

The fourth world war soon followed just a year after the third one simmered down.

This time the population came down to one-fourth of what was before.With it's limited population,the possibility of extinction was not hard to imagine.The fruitlessness of war was never more obvious.The fame of the rebels were forcefully wiped out.  
In it's place,the ever consistent cold in the form of hopelessness settled in.

The moment Rhodey was given the position of a consultant,it was too late.The green and blue of the planet was already replaced with bloody scarlet and hopeless black.Nothing was nearly enough to wipe out the fingerprints of blood on green and blue.

Especially when everybody else refused to take any responsibility and kept washing their bloody hands.

Morgan started fearing that he might have to suffer the same fate of the previous consultant.

Because it was never the leader or the Avengers but rather the consultants who always had to pay the ultimate price.

The crimes were out of control.The underground world was thriving like never before.People adopted any method necessarily just to put some food in their mouth. Various doomsday weapons were going around in the black market.

And that's when Rogers popped up on a bench near the Avengers facility out of blue.

Upon his return,Steve gave the same morale boosting speech at each debriefing,but the response wasn't what he expected.He told the same old cheap white lies he had been saying for ages,but instead of inspiring people it rang hollow, like a broken recorder.Morgan wasn't surprised to see him supporting every rotten deed done by the Avengers.

But it was about to get much,much worse.

With his support and guidance, the A-vengers came up with the "secure your future protocol" or otherwise known as SYFP.Talk about rotten cheesy lies.

They have been trying to push the idea for ages even though the whole world was against it.But finally with Rogers influence and power they were able to bring this horrific idea into reality.

The idea was to use the Wanda maximoff to secure the future by predicting it.

Nice joke,huh?

After all these years, Maximoff claimed that she was the one who predicted the infinity war and thus she can predict any war or crime that might happen in the future.

While the truth is ever since Tony stark flew that nuke to wormhole,ever since Loki, Tony always knew there was a bigger threat out there for which they were not prepared enough and it just happened to be his worst fear [because he always put others above himself] which Maximoff saw while she was screwing with his mind.

"Screwing" is an understatement,the decent way of saying it.

But power-hungry Shield all but jumped at the idea of letting maximoff predict the future while she had no power to do so.As much as the Avengers or Maximoff would like to pretend,the truth is nobody knows what's going to happen in the future. The world is not just black and white.People are not what they appear to be. We have no way to know what's in the hearts and minds of other people or what they will do. Even our very attempts to stop them from doing something that, Maximoff,a former hydra agent of all people,*thinks* they will do can affect their response because everyone responds to changing conditions and incentives differently.

Everyone's reaction and reaction time is different.

Reality is complex.

But our captains don't care about probability. They have complete certainty of their righteousness and utter disregard for the very concept of due process that certainty creates.

A-vengers are more than ready to imprison or even kill people based on nothing but Maximoff's words for a crime they didn't commit or might never commit.

They are willing to toss aside every legal and ethical standard of due process.Including it's most basic foundation : the presumption of innocence.

The cries of the innocents remained unheard while Maximoff started bathing in bathtub full of money,for doing a lottery and coming up with a name of a person to hang next.

Two weeks later, Wanda proclaims to see saw a vision where Hulk kills everyone.Danvers then sends Hawkeye to prosecute Dr. Hulk.

The repeated demonstration of the fact that the A-vengers doesn't have any respect for people as individuals became more clear to people with each move they made.They wanted to absolute control at all costs no matter who gets hurt or killed in the process.The more they gained power the worse everything got.

People hopelessly watched as the virtue of "innocent until proven guilty" all but vanished into thin air.Their rights didn't matter.Not anymore.

Eventually people started rebelling under Rhodey's guidance.Some heroes like Spiderman and Kamala re-signed from the avengers.Shield was definitely not rainbow and sunshine about it

Soon Rhodey was fired by the A-vengers for supporting the warriors and Rogers took his place as a consultant.Rogers started an internment, arresting and imprisoning every citizen who dared to go against the A-vengers. They already had plenty of past bitter experience of what could happen if they started a war.

There was no security of life, just a matter of time before your name pops up from Maximoff's mouth.  
People's lives become just as valueless as a dead slug.

Society eventually got divided between two groups: The outraged fueled mobs and the rebels.The conflict between people was no better than war.It reached to the point where nobody believed no one,no one knew who is going to turn out to be the next criminal.These mobs blindly followed A-vengers and went around ruining people's lives, especially rebel's in the name of so called justice.

Everyday a lot of people are taken away from their house.Morgan watched helplessly as they carried away trucks full of people blindfolded to the capital,never to return to their home again.

Is rushing to annihilate other people's lives,reputation and future opportunities without so much as a fair hearing now called justice?What kind of justice declares guilts first and ask questions later?

Arresting and imprisoning and hanging people without a fair trial is not justice.Initiating violence against innocent people just because you "think" they could commit a crime in the future is not justice.

The idea that all individuals regardless of gender,age,skin colour,sexuality deserve a chance to defend themselves is something that defines a free and healthy society.

The Avengers were supposed to protect them; not become the judge, jury or executioner.

The authoritarian dystopia that the A-vengers has created is not the world Tony Stark has sacrificed his life for.

She wills the peace of the world back as the bud of the creamy white coloured peace blossoms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Danvers actually wanted to use a mutant to predict the future in Civil war 2 which lead to disasters. Hulk was killed by Hawkeye. Danvers wanted to arrest Miles Morales (who was just a kid) for a crime that he didn't commit. Danvers also put Tony in a coma among other things.
> 
> So...yeah... point is, this is not just me trying to villainize a character. This is based on something that actually happened in the comic book.


End file.
